KNONK

Jack Nicholson

Something's Gotta Give

2004

21 Feb 2026

I know it's not a new observation to say that romantic comedies are heteronormative propaganda. But some of the narrative choices in Something's Gotta Give were so out there, and so infuriating, that I'm going to take it as a case study.

Jack Nicholson plays a 63 year old dating a much younger Amanda Peet. They try to have a sexy weekend at her mom's beachhouse, but uh-oh, mom is there too. Jack has a heart attack trying to fuck his gf, and the handsome young doctor (Keanu Reeves) insists that he doesn't go far from the hospital to recover.
The only solutions is obviously for him to stay at the beachhouse with mom (Diane Keaton), who hates him and is a complete stranger, but who nonetheless takes care of him. Mom, who is a divorced playwright whose uptightness is signalled by her wearing signature white turtlenecks and is going through a multi-year dry spot, finds herself with not one, but two possible lovers: her daughter's older beau (they break up, it's cool) and his doctor.
She falls in love with Jack, who has made clear he is not monogamous, but sees him in a restaurant with a new young woman and freaks out. They break up. She cries for weeks while writing her play, which is based on her adventures with Jack.
With Jack out of the picture, doctor Keanu makes his move and they date for six months, culminating in a romantic birthday getaway in Paris, where he means to propose marriage. But wait, here's Jack. He has been on an apology tour of his former girlfriends to learn about himself, and has flown all the way to Paris to speak to Diane, the final one. In a move of unforgivable boorishness, he joins the love birds for dinner (there's a ring box on the table when they inexplicably ask him to stay) so he can hash out his situation with his one-time fling.
They say goodbye but Diane chases him in a taxi so they can declare their love for each other in Paris while it snows, and they end up together.

So what's my problem? Diane Keaton is funny. Nicholson gets to be both charming, lovable cad (sorta, if you're into that sort of thing) and slapstick comedian. But here's what it teaches us — or, not even teaches so much as assumes we already agree:

  1. Sex means penis goes in vagina. The movie puts a really weird emphasis on the fact that the younger woman and the older dude have not yet had sex. We see them making out, her in her underwear straddling him, but they have never had sex. It's mentioned twice. And the fact that he has some erectile dysfunction is, like, a major plot point, because, you know, you can't have sex without an erection.
  2. Once you have sex, everything changes. At one point Jack says a man and woman can't be friends once they've had sex, and although maybe that's just his retrogressive take, I'd argue the movie agrees. It's very important that he hasn't fucked his younger girlfriend because that makes it OK for him to fuck the mom. And become her partner. And the family can all have dinner together and it's definitely not weird. Because they never had sex, you see, so it's all good.
  3. Monogamy is the same thing as commitment. It's almost a throwaway comment, but Diane, the mom, explains the relationship between Jack and her daughter by saying she isn't capable of commitment either.
    And just in case you thought that maybe it's OK for a 20-something woman to play the field a bit and do her own thing, we later learn that she's unable to allow a man to get close because she's afraid to get hurt and it all goes back to her parents' divorce. It's not just her character. It's damage. Luckily, a heart-to-heart with her mother help her overcome that damage. Because...
  4. Even strong independent women just want to be a wife and a mother. Before the six month break, we saw her freaking out because her dad was getting remarried to a younger woman and she felt like he was replacing her. o_O
    Her and mom have some words. When she pops back up six months later, she has some Dilbert looking guy who is now her husband, and she's pregnant. Don't worry, she's fine now! And her ex-boyfriend gets to play funny grandpa to her baby when it arrives! Happy family!
  5. Love is Enough. So this is the big one. Jack has never been successfully monogamous in his 63 years, and Diane clearly needs monogamy to feel like their relationship is valid. Their lifestyles have nothing in common. We have no idea how they might spend their time together, but they both felt something special that one week they were together (him recuperating from a heart-attack and clearly not his usual self), so they should be together and it makes perfect sense for her to pick him over her 6 month boyfriend, who is patient, understanding, professionally accomplished, respectful and supportive.
    What the fuck!?

I wonder if there's a version of the script where puckish, insufferable Jack wakes Diane up from her post-menopausal sex freeze, which sets her head reeling but ultimately means she's open to the love and respect of a younger doctor, and those two get together and it fucking makes sense.
But of course, that would not be the Hollywood ending. Because Keanu is only 36, we can't give him a future where he misses out on being a dad. That's what life is all about. Age-gap relationships are funny and scandalous, not serious romantic options.

Fuck this film, and a fuck you to Nancy Meyers, who wrote, directed and produced it.

About Schmidt

2002

25 Jan 2026

Boomer retires, loses wife, starts to unravel. With Jack Nickolson. Honestly, I was worried I would not like this one. An old white guy, comfortably middle class, can’t take care of himself, can’t stop himself from insulting and disappointing those around him. It’s tough to make a guy like that likeable.
So why does it work?

I read some writing advice once to the effect that your characters don’t have to be good at what they’re doing, but they have to give it what they got. A businessman trying to survive a plane crash in the desert even though he has 0 wilderness experience? Compelling. A teenager who can’t get out of a tight spot because, oops, she left her phone at home? Unacceptable!
We understand the kind of man Schmidt is from the first few scenes. He works a boring corporate job, his wife has looked after him since he left home, he represses his emotions in the name of rationality. Yes, he messes everything up, but it’s because he really doesn’t have the basic life skills to keep his house tidy or feed himself, and he doesn’t have the emotional management and communication skills to navigate the conflicts he gets into. He’s never had to learn that stuff, but he is giving it the best he’s got.
And if that means loading up a supermarket trolley with frozen pizzas because that’s the only thing he knows how to cook, then he will do that with gusto. If the only way he can express his feelings about his future son-in-law is through explaining his dream about aliens, he’s going to give that his best shot.
And I think that’s why we forgive him, even when he messes things up again and again. His character would normally be the obstacle in someone else’s story. He’s a side character turned main character, and somehow it works.
The box was all about how funny it is, and it is, but the humour arises out of the absurdity, with occasional splashes of slapstick. The pace is slow. The frustration high. We both enjoyed it.

Recommended if you like: