This is a zine I made in 2018 with drawings, writings and collage. If you would like a hard copy, there's a print ready download available on my Buy me a Coffee, free of charge. There's also a poster.
Don't struggle with the fine print. There's transcripts under the images.
Back to front page.
I Kissed a Girl and I liked it: Thoughts from a Bad Bisexual.
In the background: "Attention whore" | "on the fence" | "slut" | "poser" | "indiscriminate" | "trendy" | "unicorn" | "phase" | "anything that moves" | "fake" | "dirty"
I am not a "negative" stereotype.
You may have heard the news; the bis aren't doing so well.
So that sucks, and that's enough reason to spill some ink on the subject, I suppose. But the real drive behind the zine you're holding wasn't dry stats, but rage, because of course. I got angry about the backlash to [a] pop song by Rita Ora (not an artist I previously had an opinion on) because that song spoke to something in me. And it got apnned as homophobic, biphobic and harmful to the LGBT+ community.
Rita Ora and friends rap and sing about being "50/50" and not hiding it, kush loving, drinking wine and kissing girls. The lyrics were described as "obviously problematic". Lesbian pop star Hayley Kiyoko said:
[...] Every so often there come certain songs with messaging that is just downright tone-deaf, which does more harm than good for the LGBTQ+ community. A song like this just fuels the male gaze while marginalizing the idea of women loving women. [...] I don't need to drink wine to kiss girls; I've loved women my entire life. This type of message is dangerous because it completely belittles and invalidates the very pure feelings of an entire community.
Internet comments on the lyrics were even more scathing.
What are you talking about? An Anthem for bisexuality?! This song is only about sexualizing women, that has nothing to do with love and sexual orientation. The lyrics are disgusting, but I'm not surprised. They come from people who see themselves only as nothing more than a body. It's ashaming that women see other women this way. "A kitten"?! What is wrong with you people?! This is just like a sexist man sees a girl like a sexual toy. A girl is more than that. This song makes me sick.
54 upvotes
On behalf of my fellow bisexuals, I'm rejecting this as our "anthem".
Editor's note: you can still read all about this 8 year old controversy by searching for the lyrics to Rita Ora - Girls.
Dude??? Straight girls are so wtf... "red wine, I wanna kiss girls" omfg someone stop straight girls pls
+57 upvotes
Great more poeple sexualising bisexuality.
This song is trash.
I hope I speak for everyone when I say this song is not a real bisexual anthem. I'm bi and this really annoys me. Stop turning an orientation into a fetish. We're real people
Apparently, Rita Ora, who clarified the song reflects her own experiences with women, is not a real person. And her feelings don't count as "very pure". And singing a song about partying, hooking up and sex - that's most songs in this genre - is "disgusting" and has nothing to do with love and sexual orientation.
It seems that for a bisexual woman, it's not enough to come out by recording a hit song about the same things other pop starts sing about, you have to be pure, make sure you don't sexualise yourself, and that you don't "feed the male gaze" (it's a ravenous beast, you guys). It's not good enough to just be out there, visible and honest about your love of wine, kush and loving ladies.
You see, if you want to be out and bi, you have to make sure you're a good bisexual: monogamous, relationship oriented, with pure and good feelings, not disgusting sexy ones, and be secure in your identity without phasing and wavering and also be clean and sober and don't ever cheat or fuck up. Basically, be perfect.
Because otherwise you're just feeding the "negative" stereotypes of bisexuals, and that means it's also your fault that society doesn't have time for bisexuals.
The noise about Girls has come and gone as I write this, and I may be the only one still upset about it. But it made me think, and write, a bunch of stuff that turned into this zine.
Bi websites and organisations are often very concerned with stereotypes, so concerned that they risk alienating the many bisexuals who happen to meet (some of) those stereotypes. In this zine, I'm dreaming of a better way, where we embrace our stereotypes and the people that represent them, instead of hiding the freaks at the back.
Thank you for reading.
In botany, a bisexual flower is any flower with both stamen and pistil. Those flowers are also known as "perfect".
A lot of people seem to think of bisexuality as being "in between" het- and homosexuality. Hence "OK, but do you lean more this way or the other?"
I prefer to think of it as both. Both hetero and homo, perhaps at different times, perhaps in different ways, but the potential is there, always.
And that means that, much like a gay person who is single and not looking is still gay, a bi person in a relationship with someone of a gender is still bi.
Many sites and pamphlets on the pleasures and discontents of bisexuality list "it's a phase" as one of the harmful myths and stereotypes people have about bisexuality.
It supports bi erasure and the denial of bisexuality as a "valid" sexual orientation, because it allows biphobes to dismiss any real life evidence of bisexuals existing in the world by saying - oh, you'll grow out of it.
On the other hand, for some people, bisexuality is a phase. Or was a phase for them, when they were figuring themselves out. Awkward, but true.
For some folks, sexuality is clear cut - they know who they are and what they want and it doesn't change or confuse them. For many of us, it's not that simple, and we may try on a few different labels before settling, or continue to reinvent ourselves throughout our lives.
There's nothing wrong with that. This isn't a problem.
The problem is not so much that bisexuality is a phase (for some) but that people use this to dismiss us, deny the importance of our experience and refuse to take us seriously.
Just because something is temporary doesn't mean it's not important. Brad Pitt's marriages are just a phase, we took them seriously enough, as a culture.
I was strongly attracted to gay men, but smart enough to realise that was not gonna work. Androgyny excited me, in men as well as women. In the late nineties, I didn't have the vocabulary to describe what I was, or what I was after, but I figured the local gay/lesbian scene probably had something to offer.
I was shy though. It may have been my third time in a bar of any kind, ever. I spoke to a guy who told me how great the place was on the weekend, when it was heaving with people, which sounded like hell. I let a girl buy me a drink, but the conversation was awkward and I didn't know how I felt about her. I felt like a fake. I got scared and went home.
In my HEART
are diamonds OF
sweet/ perfect WANT./ desire
BUT lost In the rough VIEWS
of the world/ So STRONG
against ME AND YOU
No actually.
I like doing that. It's hot to be watched. It's hot to know a watcher is getting hot watching you get hot because they're watching. It's a hotness loop!
Sure, this is the only bisexuality that gets any media airtime, and that's a problem, but let's take a moment to remember bi women aren't the reason for that problem. That's not our fault.
And let's remember that if some douchebro gets overexcited when you say you're bi, or gives you a creepy "ooh, can I watch" vibe when you're just trying to have a drink with your girlfriend, that douche is being a douche.
Men being over-entitled and thinking female queer sexuality is all about them is a men problem. Not a "fake" bi, slut-sexual problem. We're just trying to live life right, just like you.
So next time you meet one of these dudes, just set that dude of fire and walk away.
But does that mean we have to reject as "invalid" any queer female sexuality or sensuality just because a guy is getting a boner out of it?
Yes, you are bi/queer enough. This page is available as a pay what you want printable poster on Buy me a Coffee
Sluts are: Beautiful, Amazing, Generous, Wonderful, Flexible, Natural, Sexy People. Let us Celebrate.
There's a much wider variety of labels available today than when I was a queerling, at around the turn of the millennium.
I didn't give much thought to the difference between bi and pansexual back then, and I didn't know any other options. I questioned my gender identity, but was unaware of nonbinary people (not that they didn't exist, but I didn't find them). I furtively shopped in the men's section, and wore my hair short.
Asexuality and aromanticism were not on my radar either, even though I do think they would have appealed to me strongly at one point in my life. Instead, I identified as a virgin (privately, with just my online friends).
Some say that labels are limits - just a way to box yourself in, and that letting go of labels altogether allows you to embrace all opportunities. Others counter that the right label can help you understand yourself better and find others just like you. "Once I found that I was _____, it all fell into place and I was much less lonely," that sort of thing. That sure sounds swell, but if that's how labels work I guess I still haven't found the right one.
What if everyone around you seems happy with their labels, but you still haven't got a clue? What if you find your label at long last, and then find there are like two other people in the world who identify that way, and no one you talk to has any idea what you're on about?
What if you have loudly and proudly embraced a label only to find it no longer fits? To "recant" would prove your haters right, but in the meantime you feel more and more uncomfortable. Sometimes labels are limiting.
For me, as I continued to exist and learn more about myself, my labels shifted.
It turns out I'm not asexual. (Also not a virgin. Also virginity is some patriarchal bullshit, but it was a comfort to me at one time and I don't resent my former self for embracing it. I was going through some shit.)
It turns out my attraction to women is not the same as my attraction to men, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. It feels different. It also feels right.
And although I do not identify as trans, I was right in thinking my gender was a non-straightforward thing.
Labels have their upsides and downsides. Questioning whether you are ________ enough to be _______ is almost certianly a waste of time. Externalising that kind of doubt and running around telling other people they're not ________ enough to be _________ is a waste of time, and also a dick move.
It's good to accept that labels may change, for yourself and for others. Remember always that there are different ways to be ________ and that you have things in common with people outside of your label, too. Hold your labels lightly.
Two things I'm willing to assume:
Happy pride everyone. Stay Strong.
Just some writings and visual art on the subject of bisexuality from a female queer person with some gender fluidity.
Hope it makes you think
talk
question
smile
Produced for pride 2018. Printed in Bristol. Now hosted on KNONK.